these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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