Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
