she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
