I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
