her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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