So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
