This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize