Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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