i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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