The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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