My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
