Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
