You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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