I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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