We're like a lot better than the average bears
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
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i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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