Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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