I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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