hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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