jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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