The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
why is half of my head shaved?
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