In the future we'll all be gay
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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