I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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