so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
