You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
