he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
