if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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