rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
