sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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