why didn't you poke me back
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
