5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
