I've blown a few things in my day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
