it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
