You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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