Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
