the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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