Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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