just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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