You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
