There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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