just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
