well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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