She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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