Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
