I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
