imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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