Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
