i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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