It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
