Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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