bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
