i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
