I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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