don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
