We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
