I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
