dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
