You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
