i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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