I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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