My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
