Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
