if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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