dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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