I heard we made out
there's paper in my vomit.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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