I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
