$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
